40 years of Being Kept

40 years ago today, Tom and I were married in an Episcopal church in Fairfax, Virginia. We were young, in love, and excited to begin our life together. Before a large gathering of family and friends, I vowed:

“In the name of God, I, Dorie, take you, Tom, to be my faithful husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until death do us part. This is my solemn vow.”

I was well aware that this solemn vow was beyond me—and beyond Tom. The year we were married, nearly half of all marriages ended in divorce. There were no guarantees. But I hoped God would be with us. If we made it, it would be because of His grace.

Forty years later, I want to thank God, who has been faithful to us through every part of those vows—better and worse, richer and poorer. Yes, richer, too, because Tom used to remind me that although we often felt financially strapped, we were still among the wealthiest people in the world.

Like every couple, we shared seasons of health and illness. But the true test of our vows came five years ago, when the little cavernoma in Tom’s brain stem ruptured.

As he lay in the ICU, barely able to speak, I wondered what it would mean to live out this part of our vows. As brutal as it was—and as hard as it has been—what I have gained far outweighs what has been lost. Our love has grown to a depth and height that, I believe, could never have been reached had we not walked this road together.

To love and to cherish.

To love is, in many ways, to die to yourself. To lay down your life for another. We give ourselves to one another day after day, and in that daily exchange we discover unexpected gifts: peace, joy, and contentment.

To cherish is to treat another with the utmost respect and care. To delight in the other. To learn your beloved’s love language and choose to speak it. To stop, even when other things demand your attention, and say, “You matter to me, right now, in this moment.”

To be cherished is a gift like no other.

Forty years ago, we made our vows before God. Today I thank Him for keeping us when we could not keep ourselves.

I love my Tom.

Happy Anniversary.

"Now to Him who is able to keep you from stumbling, and to present you blameless before the presence of his glory with great joy, to the only God, our Savior, through Jesus Christ our Lord, be glory, majesty, dominion, and authority, before all time and now and forever. Amen." (Jude 24–25)